Before we get married, most of us can describe in great detail what kind of man we’d like to wed. Through experience or example, we imagine our husbands will be everything we’ve ever dreamed of. Sure, he won’t be perfect, but he’ll be pretty close. In fact, if you are like I was, your ideal husband meets all your needs; therefore, your marriage will be wonderful.

That’s funny … Hysterical even, considering the quality of your marriage will largely depend on who your “wonderful” husband is married to … What have you done to make sure you qualify to be the wife of a husband with such impressive qualities? Before he walks into your life, now is the time to become the person you want to marry.  

Are you patient, kind, and forgiving? Do you possess financial shrewdness and self-control in money matters? What kind of attributes characterize your spiritual life and your relationship with God? How well are you managing your time, talents, and health? What areas do you know need improvement but you have yet to give them attention? These are just a few questions you should be asking yourself (and working on) before reasonably hoping to marry the man of your dreams. 

Have you ever considered that the man of your dreams has a woman of his dreams? The first time I had this realization, I was dumbfounded. Maybe it’s the innate selfishness of human beings, but surely I’m not the only one that was so focused on what I needed that I neglected to consider what I had to offer. As silly as it sounds, I would marry him but never thought he’d be marrying me. Yikes! 

I realized that I owed it to my future husband to stop making excuses and to start making progress. If I wanted to have a patient husband who watched his words, I needed to evaluate how I fared in those areas myself. What good would it do me to marry a wonderful man only to ruin the relationship with an underdeveloped character? This was not about meeting some impossible superwoman status but being intentional about becoming the best me I could be. If the saying is true that you attract what you are, I knew I needed to make some upgrades to enjoy a quality relationship.

I believe the same will resonate with you. The more you match or complement the qualities you seek out, the more likely you will find yourself right where you need to be when your husband-to-be shows up.

Am I the only one that had this one-sided expectation? Where do you see you could use a bit more development? What kinds of things have you already been working on?