So much of the frustration from things not going as planned stems from negligence to identify the crucial step before "doing" or "having." The exercise of "becoming" or "being" is the most essential part of the process. It qualifies us to "have" the desired thing and equips us with the tools required to keep and maintain it.

Unfortunately, many of us (including myself) often gloss over this process of "being" by staying busy "doing" all the things that we believe will get us what we want. Why? Because "becoming" is energy-rich and uncomfortable. It exposes our vulnerabilities and forces us to humble ourselves. We must admit that we don't have it all together and are not perfect. This is a complicated place for most people. It makes us show and admit our faults to those around us and strikes fear in our hearts that we will no longer be acceptable to those who we think have bought our act that "everything is fine."

Shame is a crippling condition that binds the offense around your neck like a ball and chain, preventing you from moving forward no matter how much you do to work around it. At the lowest point in my life, dealing with addiction and shameful acts, two things freed me: a submitted heart to Jesus AND the courage to confess my faults in a safe space to those who loved me unconditionally. Once the secret is out, it can no longer have a hold on your life. You no longer have to keep what's hidden in the dark; there's never anything to explain. I now speak freely about my past to perfect strangers, and whenever I do, I feel a little bit freer.

The place you're trying to get to requires you to be free of the shame that hinders you. Don't ever let fear convince you of the lie that everyone will reject you or think less of you if they know what's really going on in your life. On the contrary, since I've been free, more people are grateful for my transparency because it reminds them that they are not alone. It gives them the freedom to be released from their bondage as well. Openly admitting your mistakes makes you more human and more relatable. Most people respect that.   

It's time we all drop the facade that "everything is fine." Shun the shame, and let's be authentic women with real issues that support and learn from one another while growing through the difficulties. Let's find our safe space with other godly women or a group and start "becoming" who we need to be. Maybe then, when we are asked how we are, we can say we are well--and genuinely mean it.

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another, so that you may be healed. The urgent request of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect." James 5:16 HCSB