When I was 26 years old, I was in love with a man I was sure I would marry someday. My mind was made up, and I, mentally, was no longer open to the idea of spending the rest of my life with anyone else. He and I had a connection that I thought was destiny and my complete adoration of his family made it all like a dream come true. 

We talked about marriage and what kind of life we’d have together, and I found myself totally sold out to the idea of being his future wife … Thank God my eyes were opened!

While this man was very respectful toward me and was genuinely interested in me, I’d have to admit, looking back, that he was unwilling to sacrifice for me—something vital in choosing a lifelong mate. And while I poured into him and saw every potential in him, he gave little to nothing back and didn’t quite believe he had the same potential I saw. 

A wall between us, thicker than The Great Wall of China, made it almost impossible to fully know him. He was only superficially interested in the welfare of my child, and while he was supportive of my faith in God, he did not share my faith in God. Our core values were fundamentally different. Let me not forget to mention that when I was 24—just two years before—God explicitly told me not to get involved with him … but I insisted. My soul ached deeply for him.

It was abrupt when I finally became cognizant of the reality of my situation. This was not love. It was as if God shook me by my shoulders, said, “Look at all the things I was trying to shield you from,” then snapped some sense back into me. *Side note: Not that God is not a loving God, but He did it because He loved me. 

Sometimes we all need a little tough love.

I immediately cut all communication—even that to his family, which was very difficult—and declared that as far as being married was concerned, I would never insist on my will over God’s again.

Fast forward to the man I proudly call my husband … Suddenly, it all became clear after getting married how much misery God saved me from. Some of the things that marriage will have you grow through could chew you up and spit you out without the man that God has approved for you. 

While before I got married, I could only understand in theory why it was important for God to approve, it became extremely practical afterward. Everything the decoy lacked, my husband possesses, and so much more! I could never be wise enough to select such a complementary match.

My point is this: Even when you don’t fully understand, allow God to have His perfect will in your life. It will bless your life and those around you beyond your imagination. God will not deny you that which He’d be happy to bless. He’ll only deny you the things that will cause you harm. You may not be able to see it now, but He can already see the end result. Heed the warnings from your gut, friends, and family. Don’t be satisfied with a decoy if you want the real deal. Just wait and see.

Take a moment to evaluate your current relationship. Is it the real McCoy, or is it a decoy? Have you ever had a “decoy” experience?